Have you ever set a boundary before? Boundaries can be difficult to set because you do not have control over how the people you set the boundary with will react. All you have control over is your reaction and behavior. Setting healthy ‘for you’ boundaries is a very important step in empowering your life.
It took me years of counseling and support to begin to set healthy boundaries with people. Before learning to set boundaries, I would quietly hide my frustration then when I was at my wits end I would lose it in an angry outburst. This caused me a lot of mental hardship and struggle as I would live my frustrations out in my head causing me much unnecessary mental chatter then also look like a crazy person when I finally lost it.
I was talking with a friend who had struggled with addiction issues for years and they commented on how rehab was not the solution because after the therapy they just went back into the same life with the same problems and they just slipped back into their addiction really quickly. They said the only way to heal from addiction was to decide to completely shift your life to surround yourself with different people and surroundings to aid in the healing process. I thought this conversation was so profound because it was so closely tied to the work I had been doing on boundary setting.
I was so naive when it came to understanding abuse, when I began my healing journey. I didn’t even realize the amount of emotional abuse I had endured over the years. When I started going to counseling, retreats and healers to discuss my struggles, the need for setting clear boundaries kept reappearing. The psychologist really opened me up the most to the need to set boundaries with abusive behavior in all areas of my life. So began my journey to speak up for myself and set healthy for me boundaries based on support from my psychologist.
One lesson when working with the psychologist on boundary setting was brainstorming and talking out scenarios of how the people may react to the boundary set. This work was really important because it allowed for exploration of best and worst case scenarios before actually setting the boundary. This is a really important step because you have no control over how the people you are setting your boundary with will react.
Just like the psychologist warned me ahead of time, the people I set the boundaries with did not always take it in the ‘best’ case scenario. They often blamed and shamed me and tried to break my boundaries many times but with support I was able to maintain my healthy ‘for me’ boundaries.
When you shift and change, the people who were holding you back will not like it. They will try to pull you back down where they had control and keep you stuck. The only person who has the power to get you out of any situation you are in is you. You have no idea how much power you have within yourself until you begin to stand up for yourself and work on becoming the best version of you. I truly believe the best version of you starts with beginning to set boundaries.
Boundaries can come in many different forms. You may have to set boundaries at work, with friends and with family. Even small boundaries around deciding to not be attached to your phone and responding at a time that works for you can be a small step in becoming a stronger, more empowered version of yourself.
Learning to tell people what you want and learning how to say ‘no’ can be a very uncomfortable experience. It is important to learn to sit with discomfort, learn to self-reflect, and to use clear concise communication.
When you begin to work on your mental health you will begin to realize the only way for you to heal is to remove yourself from the people and situations that contribute to your mental dis-ease. Which is a huge step and not always an easy one yet if you do not learn to set healthy boundaries you will continue the same pattern over and over again.
If you are still struggling with lack of boundaries in your life and want to live from your highest self then follow my blog and social media. To do the inner work needed to shift your entire life, sign up for, “Empower Your Life Course,” launching September 2022. Sign up now for early bird pricing!