Dear Narcissist

You swept into my life and made me believe you understood many aspects of me. Of who I was as a person, what I valued, you valued, mirrored my goals, and you understood my trauma. You even went to the extent of mirroring that trauma. I felt you were one of the only people who understood what I was going through.

All of this was a sneaky form of manipulation to entangle me into your web of lies. That must have made you feel powerful and fed your sick need of getting fuel from each source, no matter how you chose to feed. How calculated each lie was has me floored and confused because, as an empath, I just don’t understand you. I do not understand the need to lie and manipulate, as that only fuels hate. What a miserable life that must be to live where you never understand the value of what it truly means to give.

You are so “kind, loving, and great,” but only use these qualities as a tool to manipulate. That deceit is only fueled by hate. Hating yourself and that poor inner child must be challenging to live with. You scramble through life feeling empty and raw, hoping no one ever becomes aware of your fatal flaw.

But guess what? Sometimes you slip up, and your true self is revealed. When it does, it causes you to spin out of control into a gaslighting monster that cannot truly relate to any realistic fate. How you can deny the truth when the evidence is proper before you is entirely laughable and makes me pity you. It must be such an awful way to live, constantly lying to people who care for you and only genuinely wish to give.

Before you, I thought I understood Narcissism, that I “knew” the signs, and that I had already experienced so much trauma from your kind. A man was blind to the different forms you can take. The deep level of manipulation and deceit I can not even fathom. Yet here I sit today, eyes open and clear to all the smoke and mirrors from the past few years. With this new clarity, I am so glad I discovered what you are.

So the No Contact will be a piece of cake because I have value just as I am. I do not need anyone to fill my cup, as I can form self-love. This is a quality you will never have, which is indeed quite sad.

I can see you for what you indeed are. I know the lies will never stop, the victims will continue to change, and your source will consistently get devalued and tossed away as your toxic cycle repeats over and over again. This “life” you choose to live is filled with sadness. You will never be able to honestly look within and find value in who you are. The world has so much good, yet something terrible must have happened to you that you cannot see the value of just being you. There is never a need to lie, cheat and manipulate; when you do this, you are filling your soul with hate.

The joy in this all is that I am more substantial than you ever expected me to be. I take this lesson gracefully and will use it to empower me to help others who have been entangled in your abuse. The empathetic traits that you took as a weakness are a strength. As I can feel on a level, you will never understand. Feeling love will always be something you grasp for but can’t get, which is genuinely grand.

So you may have left other victims in a puddle or a shell of who they indeed are and will continue to do this on an endless cycle of despair. You did not break me; you only gave me more power to heal, so thank you for that gift. I wish you well, but know your life is my living hell.

Your Exposer

If you expose a narcissist, the best thing to do is to protect yourself first. Take some time to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. You may want to consult with a mental health professional who can help you understand the situation’s dynamics and provide guidance on how best to handle it. It may also be helpful to contact family and friends for support. Additionally, try to practice self-care and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence, as this can help you better cope with the situation and move forward.

The term “Narcissist” seems to be a massive buzzword for experiencing someone with a grandiose sense of self, an inflated ego, and a person who believes the world revolves around them. In our increasingly self-centered world, it seems as though there is an increase in this type of behavior. The thing is, everyone has narcissistic traits. Even the most empathetic of people have some narcissistic behaviors. So does that mean everyone is a narcissist? NO! Some extreme forms of Narcissism can be traumatic and leave the person involved with someone with the more extreme narcissistic traits a former shell of themselves. These relationships can take various forms: parents, children, friendships, and intimate partnerships.

If you are in a relationship with someone and certain things seem off, you cannot quite focus on what it is. Try to sit back and observe to see if they exhibit narcissistic traits. Narcissistic traits can include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, lack of empathy, entitlement, self-centeredness, manipulative behavior, exploiting others, arrogance, extreme jealousy, and preoccupation with success. Sometimes it can take a long time to see through the lies and manipulation; however, when you finally unveil what has been going on, you can begin to heal and move forward. Part of that healing journey may be to connect with your inner creativity. Here is a free resource that can help
Love and Light

New Beginnings and Saying Yes to You

New Beginnings and Saying Yes to You When a relationship ends it is a new beginning and an opportunity for you to say yes to yourself, to become a better version of yourself. It sometimes is really hard to see past the hurt and the pain at the moment. Instead of viewing an ending as a negative, begin to rewire your thought process to view it as an opportunity for you to learn and grow. It is like the saying when one door closes another opens. Every relationship in life is an opportunity for learning and growing even in friendships. 

When any relationship ends it is not because of one event or action. Generally, relationships break down over time and the dissolution of the relationship is a result of many actions and events that cause people to grow apart and resent each other. The anger, resentment, hurt and pain grow over time and eventually comes to a head when the relationship ends. Or you just grow apart and eventually realize that you no longer want the same things. Sometimes this form of dissolution of a relationship can be harder because there is no main event to ‘blame’ it on.

Regardless of how a relationship ended each day we have the opportunity to start a new and better life for ourselves one day at a time. We always have the opportunity for growth and change. Your healing path begins when you decide to say ‘yes’ to you. 

When relationships end there are often people who will have an opinion of your decisions and try to persuade you in one way or the other. It is important to spend time really getting clear on what you want in your life and what you can do to empower your life each day. It is really important to not let others persuade you in the direction of their opinion, wants, or needs. You are the only one who can empower your life so you need to really dive deep into what you really want and who you want to become. 

When you begin to get clear on your vision and begin to live from your highest vibration you may need to develop strategies for setting healthy ‘for you’ boundaries. Boundaries can be difficult to set because as you grow into a more confident version of yourself there will be people who try to hold you back and keep you stuck. They will not like the changes you are making and this is okay. The thing is, when you begin to choose you, your vibration changes and you will no longer vibe with the people who held you back. You will begin to vibe with people who are also on a growth path. When you set healthy ‘for you’ boundaries you do not have control over how the people you set the boundary with will react. All you have control over is your reaction and behavior. Setting healthy ‘for you’ boundaries is a very important step in empowering your life

Sometimes the only way to heal is to decide to completely shift your life to surround yourself with different people and surroundings to aid in the healing process. 

If you were naive when it came to understanding abuse, in the past, be gentle with yourself and know that that version of you was doing the best that they could with the skills that they had at the time. Once you begin to explore boundaries in relationships you may begin to notice the need to set boundaries with abusive behavior in all areas of your life. 

One lesson on boundary setting is to brainstorm and talk out scenarios of how people you are setting the boundary with may react. This work is really important because it allows for exploration of both the best and worst case scenarios and everything in between, before actually setting the boundary. Again, you have no control over how the people you are setting your boundary with will react so you need to be mentally prepared for a number of different possible outcomes. 

Be warned and prepared ahead of time, the people you set the boundaries with may not always take it in the ‘best’ case scenario, this has nothing to do with you. It is about their path and journey and where they are at in their healing. People may blame and shame you and try to break your boundaries many times. No matter what happens, trust that you are on a healing path. Your boundaries are necessary for you. 

When you shift and change, the people who were holding you back will not like it. They will try to pull you back down where they had control and keep you stuck. The only person who has the power to get you out of any situation you are in is you. You have no idea how much power you have within yourself until you begin to stand up for yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself. The best version of you starts with the beginning to set boundaries. 

Learning to tell people what you want and learning how to say ‘no’ can be a very uncomfortable experience. It is important to learn to sit with discomfort, learn to self-reflect, and use clear concise communication. 

When you begin to work on your mental health you will begin to realize the only way for you to heal is to remove yourself from the people and situations that contribute to your mental dis-ease. Which is a huge step and not always an easy one. Yet if you do not learn to set healthy boundaries you will continue the same pattern over and over again. 

The dissolution of a relationship is the perfect time for you to learn how to set healthy boundaries and begin to break the patterns that have kept you stuck for your entire life. Those patterns may have kept you stuck for years in an unhealthy marriage or relationship. The only way to move on from it is to begin to heal from the inside out. Healing is an inside job that can be impacted by the outside world. 

Saying yes to you can be as simple as saying no when you do not want to go out one evening. It could be taking time to begin a new hobby or learn a new skill. If you are not sure about what saying yes to you feels like taking time to get really centered and ask yourself, is this something I really want to do? If the answer is no then you politely decline. 

When you choose you and make your healing a priority you will be amazed at how fast your life shifts, how much lighter you feel and how much better your outlook on this one beautiful life that you have is. We only have one life to live. When you begin to make the most of each day and step into your power through boundaries you will begin to see the beauty in so many areas of your life. You will find more joy in the simple things like a good cup of coffee or taking time to slow down and smell the flowers.

Start Today! Create a Better You

You know the saying the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is to plant one today. That message can apply to anything in your life. The best time to start empowering your life is today. You cannot do anything about the past. You can not control your future. All you truly have is today.

Each morning you wake up you have a chance to create a better life for yourself. You and only you can begin to heal your life by taking continuous action to build a better tomorrow. So many of us do not realize the power we have within ourselves to not only change our lives but also the lives of everyone around us.

The people you surround yourself with will be inspired by the work you are doing. If they are not inspired by you choosing to empower your life that is okay too. Some people will try to hold you back and keep you stuck. Some are meant to stay in your life for, “a reason, a season or a life-time,” very few people have lifelong friendships. It is okay to move on from friendships and relationships that do not support the work you are doing to heal.

I truly believe we need to start teaching the concept of the “Power of Now,” in schools so that kids begin to learn from an early age, that they have the power to change their lives. It can be as simple as changing their perspective and taking control of the thoughts they think.

I wrote a children’s poem that I turned into a book on this exact concept to help young children realize the power they have. It also applies to adults.

  • When I watch the news or learn about the past, I wonder how these awful things continue to last.
  • We learn about wars in schools. Which makes me wonder, why we were such fools.
  • We learn about indigenous tribes that were almost wiped out. I wonder why we choose to push them about.
  • I sometimes hear stories that are just not nice, I wonder why we allow things to turn into a vice.
  • What if we all made a promise to ourselves and peers today? To focus on joy and not being so gray.
  • Everyone is doing the best they can. Until they know better things might seem like a jam.
  • What tiny step could you take? To give others a break?
  • We can start to question the past to change and evolve. We can show empathy and begin to resolve.
  • Life can become better now! Do you know how?
  • If everyone started to choose kind instead of cruel. We could begin to change the world by starting in our school.
  • What if everyone started to lend a helping hand. I am sure we could achieve something quite grand.
  • Each day do one little thing to make the world a better place. Then we could flow with love and grace.
  • Each person has the power to make the world great. By focusing on this moment and choosing love over hate.
  • You can’t change the past. But don’t worry you will have a blast. By starting now and choosing kind, then empowering your mind.
  • Each day we have a chance to make a positive impact. It really depends on how we choose to act!

What are you going to do with the ultimate power that you do hold in this moment? That is really up to you. If you are committed to healing and empowering your life then the best time is to start right now! It can be as simple as catching your mind when it begins to go down a self-destructive thought pattern.

Rome was not built in a day. Be gentle with yourself, the work you are doing to heal will take time. Healing is not ever an overnight success story. It takes continuous conscious work to heal your life and empower your mind. It is also important to realize that healing is not a destination, it is a journey. There will be times when you fall back into your subconscious patterns. When that happens be gentle with yourself and make a conscious effort to get back on track. You will find that the tools you have built along the way will help you get back on track quicker everytime something arises that throws you off track.

Learn to be grateful for your journey and for the present moment. This vibration will lead you to a very powerful healing transformation, it will give you the energy and power to embrace this moment and build a better you starting today.

What are your Patterns? How Awareness is Key to Shifting your Life Completely

Are you aware of your subconscious patterns? This is something that I have been working on for years and still feel as though it is an area I can continuously improve. So much of what we do, how we act and behave comes from subconscious patterns that we learned from childhood.

Take a few moments to think about where you are feeling stuck in your life. Are there deeper feelings or patterns that are holding you back? For me there are two patterns or sets of beliefs that continue to challenge my growth. I need to make a really conscious effort to be aware of them and to stop my brain from going down that self-pity and self-doubt hole that many of us find ourselves stuck in. The first is the feeling of not being good enough and second is the fear of scarcity.

The more I explored the feeling of not being good enough, the more I realized this thought pattern spread into so many areas of my life. I went to a retreat at the beginning of my divorce journey to deal with my traumas that were holding me back. When I was there, I realized that the deep underlying hurt and pain that I was constantly feeling was that I was not good enough. Just becoming consciously aware of that struggle and thought pattern has helped me so much in my growth and empowerment.

When those feelings arise, and they still do almost a decade later, I am generally able to reset and shift my thinking more quickly and with more ease. If I cannot reset quickly there are a few strategies that I turn to. First, get curious about why those feelings are popping up. Second, consciously reset your thinking to a more positive affirmation. If you struggle with resetting affirmations to a more positive outlook I encourage you to get Louise Hay’s book, “You can Heal Your Life.” In it she has many affirmations to shift your conscious mind. For example, one affirmation that I constantly come back to is, “I claim my power and move beyond all limitations.” I love this one because it helps me reset and think from the place of power. Truly, my place of power is always in the current moment. Another strategy is to go out and do something that you know will help you to feel better. For me it is going for a run, going to yoga or getting out in nature, specifically the mountains or water.

When we begin to realize the importance of the current moment, that is really when our lives begin to shift. You have zero ability to change what happened in the past other than changing how you view it. You are the only one who has power over your thoughts. Our thoughts and beliefs control so much of our lives. So start to become really aware of your thoughts because it is true what they say, “thoughts become things.”

The second overarching pattern that creeps in for me is the general feeling of scarcity and of not feeling good about receiving from others. In my head I used to think it is better to give than to receive. What I have learned over the years though is that we cannot always be giving. If you give and give and give you will have nothing left for yourself. In order to be the best version of yourself you need to have the ability to receive from others and have gratitude for it. Now whenever I am feeling bad about the “lack” of abundance in my life, I have to constantly shift my thinking to “it is safe for me to graciously receive.” Being a very giving person this is a huge awareness and perspective shift for me. Yet I know I need to work through it because if I do not then my pattern of scarcity will continue. Both Louise Hay and Bob Proctor talk about abundance and how in order to attract abundance we have to live from a place of gratitude and to act as though what we want has already come to fruition.

It is easy to go down the rabbit hole of lack when inflation is on the rise and gas prices are through the roof. Here is where your power comes in. You have the power to focus on that stressor. Or you have the power to focus on the amazing things that are already in your life and the amazing ways you are going to continue to build and grow the life of your dreams. Be so confident that the life of your dreams is your reality so that gas prices are not something you ever have to worry about.

Bob Proctor says if you can visualize what you want in your mind then you can “have it in your hand.” The trick with this is you have to stay focused on your vision and goals and not get sidetracked by distractions like inflation and gas prices to take your focus off of the end goal.

What is it that you truly want in life? Whenever stressors arise take a deep breath and visualize the life of your dreams. Take a few moments to just focus on your visualization as if you are already living in that reality. Don’t let the daily stressors of life take you away from your vision and goal. When stressors pop up and they will, consciously bring your attention back to gratitude and abundance. This constant reset can take awhile to learn. When your new pattern becomes shifting your focus back to your goal constantly then your life will completely begin to shift.

We are the only ones who have the power to make our lives better and the only ones who live in our minds. If we want to live a more fulfilling and empowered life then we need to start with living a more fulfilling and empowered life inside our minds.

Are you feeling more aware of your mind and your patterns? What pattern do you need to shift? If you are struggling with your mind and patterns and want to live a more empowered life then follow my blog and social media. My, “Empower Your Life,” course registration information will be released next week!

The Power of Gratitude

Do you know you can literally rewire your brain by consciously listing 3 things you are grateful for each day? Our thoughts have so much power over the way we think and act. There are many studies on the power of the mind and how people have literally thought themselves into curing their cancer or learning to walk again. I find this completely fascinating. There needs to be way more research into the power of the mind and how we can tap into its true potential to help become the highest versions of ourselves.

If you are looking for ways to heal and empower your life the very first place to start is within yourself. You can easily start by practicing gratitude daily and really becoming conscious of the thoughts you think. Louise Hay is one of my favorite authors on mindfulness and healing your life. She literally wrote the book, “You Can Heal Your Life.” One resource that I always come back to when I am struggling is this book. She states, “every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates experiences by our thoughts and our feelings, the thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.” When you begin to come aware that your thoughts create what’s going on in your life then you truly have the power to change things.

In a meditation that I used to do daily by Louise Hay, she talks about how even kings and queens did not have access to modern plumbing like we do today so to be grateful for your plumbing. This always makes me laugh but at the same time I always come back to that idea and think ‘wow” it really is amazing that I have running water in my home. Just having running water makes my life so much easier. I want you to take a moment to think about the water and the access you have to water. If you have running water in your home you’re one of the luckiest people on the planet so we really need to be grateful each and every day for access to water. For many people in Western Society this concept is mind-blowing because we forget about those little things that truly make our lives easier. Did you know, around 40 percent of the world doesn’t have access to a clean, reliable water source. This really puts having access clean water into perspective and how lucky we are to have it.

Do you go to bed on a full stomach? If you do and you are luckier than many, many people on the planet, so take a moment to be grateful for that. Some sources say that around 810 million people go to bed hungry each night; other sources say that nearly one in three people don’t have enough food. When you consider these numbers, no matter what’s going on in your life, you have so much to be grateful for if you go to bed on a full stomach.

When we forget these things and we focus on our problems we get more of our problems.
When we can begin to look at each situation from a place of gratitude, we will get more of those positives coming into her life. What I love about Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life” is that she has this giant list in it on all these different diseases, the probable cause and then a new thought pattern.

There is a new thought pattern for each and every ailment, no matter what it is that you’re struggling with. If you begin to repeat the new thought pattern then things will really change but you have to truly believe it with every ounce of your being.

So often, we get hyper focussed on the things that aren’t working out for us. When the reality is the majority of things truly are working out. If you have a home, food and access to clean water you are one of the most lucky people in the whole planet. If you want more joy and more prosperity in your life then you need to focus on the joy and prosperity that are already there. If there’s something that you want to bring into your life then you need to focus on it with the idea that you’ve already have it in your possession and vibrate that frequency. When you begin to vibrate on the frequency of gratitude more things will come into your life for you to be grateful for.

Once we truly begin to become conscious of our frequency and how our thoughts become things, then our experience completely changes. When we catch ourselves thinking a negative thought, we can begin to shift that into a positive. For example, a few years ago I got a speeding ticket and I’d already been reading about all of this stuff. Instead of thinking, “I got a speeding ticket, this is the worst.” I shifted my mindset to, “at least I live in a country where I can feel safe getting a ticket and they’re using that money to follow the rule of law in our country.”

There are so many places in the world where you have to bribe the Police Service to get out of a speeding ticket. I am lucky enough not to live in one of those countries. Another example would be when it’s raining, instead of thinking, “oh man it’s raining I want to go outside.” Shift your perspective to, “how much the Earth needs it, how much it will help things grow and how much more you’ll enjoy that beautiful day when it comes next.” These simple shifts in our conscious mind allow that higher frequency of energy to flow more easily.

On a molecular level we are all made up of atoms. Atoms are essentially space and energy vibrating on a frequency. Our conscious mind has the ability to change this frequency and we can change this frequency through gratitude. We literally have the power in our own minds to change every single cell in our bodies. When we realize this true power that we have within ourselves that we truly have the ability to heal our lives then transformation can begin. When we begin to heal from within, we have the opportunity to help others heal from within too and essentially that will spread to the planet. Every living thing is vibrating a frequency and if you can become conscious of the frequency you are vibrating then you truly have the power to change the world.

So what is it that you can be grateful for today? Even if you are having one of the hardest days of your life there are so many things that you can be grateful for and that simple conscious shift will completely shift the day. If you are struggling with your perspective and how to bring more gratitude and healing into your life, follow my blog and social media for more information on my, “Empower your Life Course,” which will be released soon.

Healing Starts With You! 

So much of our hurt and pain comes from subconscious programming that we learned as children. Much of what we each struggle with is most likely linked to generational trauma. This type of programming continues from generation to generation until someone decides to break that pattern and begins to take healing into their own hands. The only person who can break your generational programming is you.

It is time to take a really deep look into what you want to heal in your life and how you can begin to let go of the generational trauma that may be keeping you stuck in a subconscious pattern cycle. Breaking patterns is hard work so be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to really feel and reflect on the work you are doing. 

When I got divorced I started consistently going to counseling to help me navigate the struggles I was facing. I was really lucky because my work had free counseling services, which many people do not have access to. I took advantage of this service as I was determined to heal my life. One of my biggest negative feedback loops was, “I am smart, pretty, I have two university degrees and working on my third, yet how did I get myself into this mess, how was I not smart enough to see the signs?” Being the perfectionist that I am, I really struggled with not being able to “do” enough to make my marriage work. What I learned through all of my healing work was that I was approaching this and many other situations in my life the way I approach teaching, by trying to ‘fix’ everything when there are things that are not meant to be ‘fixed’ they are meant to evolve into something completely new. 

I needed a new way to approach life and my thinking around relationships. I could not ‘help’ everyone change. I could only change myself. It is like the saying, ‘I wanted to change the world so I started by changing myself and the world around me began to change.’ The first place to start changing yourself is within your own mind. 

One exercise I learned in counseling that really helped me shift my mindset was this HEAL exercise that the psychologist told me about. HEAL is an acronym for Hope, Educate, Affirm and Long-Term. Essentially when there is a situation you are really struggling with you can write out the acronym and reset your thinking. Here are two examples I wrote out years ago and am pulling from my journal in hopes that they will help you. 

HEAL Example 1

H– I hope for a home filled with love for my child to grow up in. 

E– All families are different because of their own dynamics and not all can be filled with love. This may be because they have generational trauma and they do not know how to break their patterns. 

A– I will always let my child know how much she is loved and that she belongs in our unique family 

L– I will keep working on loving myself so that I can truly love my child with all of my heart.  

HEAL Example 2

H– I hope as a parent I will always support my child. I hope parents in general will support the child they brought into the world 

E– Some parents either because of their own childhood or mental health issues will not be present for their child 

A– I will always try my best to support my child 

L– I will keep working on my gratitude and forgiveness

What I really like about this strategy is that it helps you take a step back and look at the situation you are in from a distance. Sometimes we are too close to a situation, we have blinders on and we cannot see anything but our narrow perspective which is based on our conditioning and our current emotional state. 

Are there things in your life you need to take a step back from and look at from a distance? What shifts can you make in your life by using the HEAL acronym and begin to let go of the frustrations you currently have in your life. You will be blown away at how your life will change when you begin to HEAL what is no longer serving you by replacing it with a long term vision of what you want to bring into your life. 

Are you feeling stuck and want to let go of the things that do not serve you? Stay tuned for more information on my, “Empower your Life Course.” Which will be launched this fall.