Do You Set Healthy Boundaries?

Have you ever set a boundary before? Boundaries can be difficult to set because you do not have control over how the people you set the boundary with will react. All you have control over is your reaction and behavior. Setting healthy ‘for you’ boundaries is a very important step in empowering your life.

It took me years of counseling and support to begin to set healthy boundaries with people. Before learning to set boundaries, I would quietly hide my frustration then when I was at my wits end I would lose it in an angry outburst. This caused me a lot of mental hardship and struggle as I would live my frustrations out in my head causing me much unnecessary mental chatter then also look like a crazy person when I finally lost it.

I was talking with a friend who had struggled with addiction issues for years and they commented on how rehab was not the solution because after the therapy they just went back into the same life with the same problems and they just slipped back into their addiction really quickly. They said the only way to heal from addiction was to decide to completely shift your life to surround yourself with different people and surroundings to aid in the healing process. I thought this conversation was so profound because it was so closely tied to the work I had been doing on boundary setting.

I was so naive when it came to understanding abuse, when I began my healing journey. I didn’t even realize the amount of emotional abuse I had endured over the years. When I started going to counseling, retreats and healers to discuss my struggles, the need for setting clear boundaries kept reappearing. The psychologist really opened me up the most to the need to set boundaries with abusive behavior in all areas of my life. So began my journey to speak up for myself and set healthy for me boundaries based on support from my psychologist.

One lesson when working with the psychologist on boundary setting was brainstorming and talking out scenarios of how the people may react to the boundary set. This work was really important because it allowed for exploration of best and worst case scenarios before actually setting the boundary. This is a really important step because you have no control over how the people you are setting your boundary with will react.

Just like the psychologist warned me ahead of time, the people I set the boundaries with did not always take it in the ‘best’ case scenario. They often blamed and shamed me and tried to break my boundaries many times but with support I was able to maintain my healthy ‘for me’ boundaries.

When you shift and change, the people who were holding you back will not like it. They will try to pull you back down where they had control and keep you stuck. The only person who has the power to get you out of any situation you are in is you. You have no idea how much power you have within yourself until you begin to stand up for yourself and work on becoming the best version of you. I truly believe the best version of you starts with beginning to set boundaries.

Boundaries can come in many different forms. You may have to set boundaries at work, with friends and with family. Even small boundaries around deciding to not be attached to your phone and responding at a time that works for you can be a small step in becoming a stronger, more empowered version of yourself.

Learning to tell people what you want and learning how to say ‘no’ can be a very uncomfortable experience. It is important to learn to sit with discomfort, learn to self-reflect, and to use clear concise communication.

When you begin to work on your mental health you will begin to realize the only way for you to heal is to remove yourself from the people and situations that contribute to your mental dis-ease. Which is a huge step and not always an easy one yet if you do not learn to set healthy boundaries you will continue the same pattern over and over again.

If you are still struggling with lack of boundaries in your life and want to live from your highest self then follow my blog and social media. To do the inner work needed to shift your entire life, sign up for, “Empower Your Life Course,” launching September 2022. Sign up now for early bird pricing!

Each Day is A New Day

How do you wake up in the morning? Do you hop out of bed excited to take on the day? Or do you hit the alarm 10 times and wish it was the weekend? How you start your day can so deeply affect all aspects of your day and life.

I know this because I am one of those people who used to hit the alarm 10 times and wish it
was the weekend so I could just sleep in and not get out of bed. So much of my willingness and motivation to get out of bed relates to how I am feeling on the inside.

When we begin to understand that our thoughts affect the world around us, we can begin to
change our inner world. When we change our inner world the world around us changes. No
matter what happened to you in the past you can always begin to change and empower your life starting today. The only Power you actually truly ever have is the power in this moment.
Yesterday is in the past and tomorrow is in the future. The only thing you are truly guaranteed is the moment you are currently in. The amazing thing is we have control over how we choose to view each and every one of our moments.

There are definitely days where I still really struggle. However, the most amazing thing is things that used to really bother me and used to throw me off for weeks at a time. I’m now able to get over more quickly and get myself back on track simply by being able to control my mind. To be able to reset your mind and focus on your goals regardless of what’s going on in the outside world really truly is a gift. This is a gift each and every one of us has. We are the only people who think within our minds and so we are the only people who have control over how we feel and what we do about how we feel.

Whenever I’m struggling with something I always take a step back and ask myself what is it that I can learn from the situation. When I take a step back and ask this any situation turns into a learning opportunity rather than a negative or positive. When we make the small mental shift to, ‘what can I learn from this,’ it actually completely shifts our perspective because then you look at it as an opportunity rather than a struggle.

There are opportunities around us all the time. We just need to begin to act on them. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, each and every day is a new day. A new day is a new opportunity for you to become the best version of you, an opportunity for you to pursue your dreams, and to shift to spreading kindness, compassion and empathy. Every day that we are given a new day we should treat it as a gift and as an opportunity to become a better version of ourselves. Some days this is harder than others and when those days occur learn to be gentle with yourself the quicker you learn to be gentle with yourself and to get yourself back on track the more growth you will see.

Like I said I used to be that person that really struggled to get out of bed in the morning. Some days I still really do. The thing that’s changed now is my mindset. Before I get out of bed in the morning I envisioned myself having a great day. I recall all of the things that I’m grateful for. I take a few moments to just feel the gratitude surrounding me and blanket my whole body with the vibration of gratitude. This makes it easier to get out of bed.

Although sometimes my cat still makes it hard for me to get out of bed because she’s so cuddly and sweet. At these moments I also get to be grateful for the cuddly sweet kitten that I have.

No matter what happened to you yesterday you always have the opportunity in this moment to shift things. No matter how rough things have been or what you’ve been through in the past you are the only one who has the power to heal your life. Today you can do that, you can take one tiny step in your mind to use this new day to empower your life.

Then tomorrow you can take another tiny step and eventually you will be completely amazed at how far you’ve come. When you wake up in the morning and are grateful for the new day it just starts your day on such a more positive and authentic path. The people around you actually feel it too. I know for myself I try to catch myself now when I can feel myself vibrating with negativity.

As soon as I become aware of this I pause and reset or go do something that I know is going to help me reset completely. Things like going to yoga or going for a run or going for a walk. Even a quick venting session with a friend can help as long as it helps you let go and rest of the conversation is focused on a higher vibration. Sometimes you do just need to get out those frustrations but it can’t be the whole entire focus, it should also not take up more time than the higher vibration conversations.

Now when I’ve had a rough day and I talk to a friend I say I just need to vent for a second, I vent and then I let it go. Then we get on with our conversation and I focus on shifting that prior frustration to I’m so grateful for the friends that I have and how powerful and supporting those relationships are.

Everyone has the ability two to shift their perspective and not let something hangover them for so long. The ability to let go of the past and to live for today is truly a gift. It’s something that I truly need to work on each and every day but it helps me so much to to get myself back and to be grateful in the end. That awareness has truly shifted my life and it can do the same for you as well.

Are you feeling more grateful for today? Are you ready to take on today and view it as a gift? If you are still struggling with your mind and patterns and want to live a more empowered life then follow my blog and social media. Or sign up for, “Empower Your Life Course,” launching this fall.