So much of our hurt and pain comes from subconscious programming that we learned as children. Much of what we each struggle with is most likely linked to generational trauma. This type of programming continues from generation to generation until someone decides to break that pattern and begins to take healing into their own hands. The only person who can break your generational programming is you.
It is time to take a really deep look into what you want to heal in your life and how you can begin to let go of the generational trauma that may be keeping you stuck in a subconscious pattern cycle. Breaking patterns is hard work so be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to really feel and reflect on the work you are doing.
When I got divorced I started consistently going to counseling to help me navigate the struggles I was facing. I was really lucky because my work had free counseling services, which many people do not have access to. I took advantage of this service as I was determined to heal my life. One of my biggest negative feedback loops was, “I am smart, pretty, I have two university degrees and working on my third, yet how did I get myself into this mess, how was I not smart enough to see the signs?” Being the perfectionist that I am, I really struggled with not being able to “do” enough to make my marriage work. What I learned through all of my healing work was that I was approaching this and many other situations in my life the way I approach teaching, by trying to ‘fix’ everything when there are things that are not meant to be ‘fixed’ they are meant to evolve into something completely new.
I needed a new way to approach life and my thinking around relationships. I could not ‘help’ everyone change. I could only change myself. It is like the saying, ‘I wanted to change the world so I started by changing myself and the world around me began to change.’ The first place to start changing yourself is within your own mind.
One exercise I learned in counseling that really helped me shift my mindset was this HEAL exercise that the psychologist told me about. HEAL is an acronym for Hope, Educate, Affirm and Long-Term. Essentially when there is a situation you are really struggling with you can write out the acronym and reset your thinking. Here are two examples I wrote out years ago and am pulling from my journal in hopes that they will help you.
HEAL Example 1
H– I hope for a home filled with love for my child to grow up in.
E– All families are different because of their own dynamics and not all can be filled with love. This may be because they have generational trauma and they do not know how to break their patterns.
A– I will always let my child know how much she is loved and that she belongs in our unique family
L– I will keep working on loving myself so that I can truly love my child with all of my heart.
HEAL Example 2
H– I hope as a parent I will always support my child. I hope parents in general will support the child they brought into the world
E– Some parents either because of their own childhood or mental health issues will not be present for their child
A– I will always try my best to support my child
L– I will keep working on my gratitude and forgiveness
What I really like about this strategy is that it helps you take a step back and look at the situation you are in from a distance. Sometimes we are too close to a situation, we have blinders on and we cannot see anything but our narrow perspective which is based on our conditioning and our current emotional state.
Are there things in your life you need to take a step back from and look at from a distance? What shifts can you make in your life by using the HEAL acronym and begin to let go of the frustrations you currently have in your life. You will be blown away at how your life will change when you begin to HEAL what is no longer serving you by replacing it with a long term vision of what you want to bring into your life.
Are you feeling stuck and want to let go of the things that do not serve you? Stay tuned for more information on my, “Empower your Life Course.” Which will be launched this fall.